What Executive Functioning Actually Looks Like
You might have heard the term executive functioning before, but often it doesn’t feel very clear or helpful in real life.
What it usually comes down to is this: Knowing what you need to do… and still finding it incredibly hard to actually do it.
This is something many neurodivergent individuals experience, and it can show up in ways that are often misunderstood.
What is executive functioning?
Executive functioning refers to a set of mental skills that help you manage everyday life.
This includes things like:
planning
organising
starting tasks
managing time
prioritising
staying focused
regulating emotions
These are the skills that help you move from intention to action.
What it looks like in real life
In real life, executive functioning difficulties don’t always look obvious. They often show up in small, everyday moments:
staring at a task and not knowing where to start
putting something off for days, even when it’s important
feeling overwhelmed by things that seem “simple”
starting lots of things but struggling to finish them
losing track of time or underestimating how long things take
forgetting things, even when you’re trying not to
feeling mentally exhausted by everyday demands
From the outside, this can sometimes be seen as laziness or lack of effort, but that isn’t what’s happening.
Why does this happen?
For many people with ADHD and autism, executive functioning works differently.
It’s not about knowing what to do, it’s about the brain processes that help you do it.
Things like starting tasks, organising thoughts, prioritising, or switching between activities can take significantly more effort, especially when combined with overwhelm, sensory demands, or burnout.
So it’s not a lack of motivation or care. It’s a difference in how the brain manages and initiates action.
The emotional impact
Over time, these challenges can take a real toll.
You might start to feel:
frustrated with yourself
stuck or unable to move forward
like you’re “not doing enough”
constantly behind
exhausted from trying to keep up
Many people end up believing there’s something wrong with them, rather than understanding what’s actually going on.
What actually helps
What helps isn’t pushing harder or trying to be more disciplined. It’s understanding what’s happening, and working with it.
This might include:
breaking tasks into much smaller, more manageable steps
reducing overwhelm before trying to take action
using external structure (lists, reminders, visual supports)
building routines that are flexible rather than rigid
having accountability and support
Most importantly, it involves developing a better understanding of how your brain works, so you can find approaches that actually fit you.
For parents
Executive functioning difficulties can also show up in children and young people in ways that can be confusing or frustrating.
This might look like:
struggling to get started with homework
forgetting instructions or losing things regularly
becoming overwhelmed by tasks or transitions
needing more support with planning and organisation
Often, this isn’t about behaviour or effort, it’s about the underlying skills needed to manage these tasks.
Understanding this can shift how support is given, making it more effective and less stressful for everyone.
How I can help
This is something I support people with through both coaching and specialist mentoring.
Together, we can:
make sense of what’s happening
reduce overwhelm
build practical strategies
find ways of working that actually fit
If this feels familiar, you’re not aloneand you’re not failing. With the right understanding and support, things can start to feel more manageable.
If you’d like support with this, you can find out more about my coaching or specialist mentoring services.